I am married so I have been here, but tried my best to not do that. Before getting married I had found most brides had the same thing in common - tunnel vision. It was amazing how no matter what the topic of discussion, they could just about always manage to bring the topic back to their wedding and wanted you to share in their enthusiasm. Now, ideally, the bride is a friend and as friends, you give her latitude to have an attitude. It's ok to know nothing but bridal talk because she is indeed planning the party of a lifetime. As friends, you want to help the betrothed to be calm and make decisions. But how far is too far? If you are going to be part of that wedding party, where do your responsibilities begin and end? That was what I went searching for today to help you all out. Consider this post me trying to keep the peace between friends as well as let people know what they are in for. Consider this post me trying to tell all brides that while your day IS about you and your groom, the people around you - helping you, supporting you, in some cases paying for you - deserve your respect and consideration as well because the people in THEIR lives are not expecting them to disappear like they expect a bride to disappear. The people in their lives are still expecting them to do their jobs, care for their families, etc. Mutual respect, in my opinion, is key to keeping everyone happy. So now, the real post. Enjoy.
In the movie, 27 Dresses, one of Jane's (main character) "duties" as a bridesmaid, apparently, is to hold the bride's dress while the bride is ...well...using the restroom. Now, I'm not sure that exact duty would be listed in any etiquette book. And, there lies the problem. What exactly are the duties of today's 21st century bridesmaid? It seems that everyone has an opinion on this, which just complicates the issue. We need a basic list to work with. So, here it is.
When asked to participate in a wedding as an attendant, we often become a bit lightheaded about the honor, feeling very special that someone would care for us so much that they would want us to share this moment. And yes, it is an honor. But, it is also expensive and time consuming. So, consider all aspects and responsibilities of the position before agreeing.
Money, Money, Money
When considering expenses, the bridesmaid is responsible for the cost of her attire, including alterations, and shoes. She can even be expected to pay for hair and make-up. Although, if the bride is insisting on all bridesmaids using a specific salon, this cost is/should be negotiable.
Gifts?
One of the most common questions from bridesmaids is, "Do I still have to give the bride a wedding gift if the wedding is a destination wedding for which I am expected to pay for travel expenses? We feel for your ever-lighter pocket book, but the answer is yes. However, it is common and acceptable, besides just plain smart, to share the expense of the shower and wedding gift with your fellow bridesmaids. And, please remember, both of the gifts do not have to be expensive, just heartfelt.
Gas Pains
Bridesmaids are expected to pay for their travel expenses, except for the day of the wedding. The bride provides this. The bride also provides lodging for out of town bridesmaids.
Party Like It's 1999!
Between the time the couple set the date and the beginning of the reception, it can be one pre-wedding party after another. Are bridesmaids obligated to attend? If it is humanly possible, yes. However, out of town bridesmaids usually receive a get-out-of-jail-free-card, or at least out of the obligation of attending, except, of course, the reception.
Traditionally, the two parties in which the bridesmaids hosted are the shower and the bachelorette party. However, these two, as are all pre-wedding parties, are optional. Bridesmaids may host if they wish. But, all must agree on the cost and are not obligated to pay unless they are all in agreement.
Bridesmaids may host a bridesmaids' lunch, but it is most commonly hosted (and it is fairer to the bridesmaids) by the bride. The bride may host this to thank her bridesmaids for the time they have given her.
The Ever Dutiful Maid
And, how about all of those "duties"? Attending every pre-wedding party possible is the bridesmaid's fist duty. All fellow maids should try to help, as much as possible, such as writing invitations, place cards, making decorations or favors, and running wedding related errands. Sometimes this isn't possible due to general "life stuff," as we all have our own jobs, school, children, everything that could stand between helping to address invitations and keeping our jobs. So, no squabbling allowed.
However, recriminations may be in order if the bridesmaid repeatedly misses her appointments for alterations or won't stay in contact with her fellow bridesmaids and the bride. Once she signs on for the duration, it is her duty to stay in touch.
Bridesmaids attend the rehearsal and party. And, on the day of the wedding, each participates in the pre-wedding and post-wedding photos. Many times bridesmaids will help the bride with her multilayered and many times very heavy dress-hence the holding it while the bride needs to take a ...restroom break. They walk down the aisle and stand as instructed.
After the wedding, all maids may stand in a row. Or, is that the receiving line? They may stand in the receiving line or mingle with guests, per the bride's preference. During the reception they dance the first dance with groomsmen and single bridesmaids are often asked to mingle and dance with unattached guests. The groomsmen join them as well. Single bridesmaids may even compete to catch the bouquet. This could be considered a contact sport, so be forewarned.
Note To Brides: Although the word bridesmaid does include the word "maid", please don't treat your bridal attendants like slaves. Remember that you asked them to stand up for you out of love but, not to be used and abused.
TeamWedding.com - Home of Top Wedding Planning Sites Get more information on wedding planning here
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Donna_Ennis
So as a bride you want to start off on the right foot, right? You want to let your potential bridesmaids and maid/matron of honor know you care about them, value them and need them. Send them a fun puzzle asking them to stand with you. Guarantee they will never forget it. Just read what one bride had to say about giving a puzzle to her potential party.
No comments:
Post a Comment